Why anger management doesnt work

Manage stress. Try practicing relaxation techniques such as mindfulness meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, or deep breathing. Talk to someone you trust. Nothing eases stress more effectively than chatting face-to-face with a friend or loved one.

But talking about your feelings and seeking a different perspective on a situation is not the same as venting.

Simply venting your anger at someone will only fuel your temper and reinforce your anger problem. Get enough sleep. A lack of sleep can exacerbate negative thoughts and leave you feeling agitated and short-tempered. Try to get seven to nine hours of good quality sleep. Exercise regularly.

Be smart about alcohol and drugs. They lower your inhibitions and can make it even harder to control your anger. Even consuming too much caffeine can make you more irritable and prone to anger.

When things get tense, humor and playfulness can help you lighten the mood, smooth over differences, reframe problems, and keep things in perspective.

When you feel yourself getting angry in a situation, try using a little lighthearted humor. Avoid sarcasm, mean-spirited humor. If in doubt, start by using self-deprecating humor. We all love people who are able to gently poke fun at their own failings. Even if the joke falls flat or comes out wrong, the only person you risk offending is yourself.

When humor and play are used to reduce tension and anger, a potential conflict can even become an opportunity for greater connection and intimacy. Anger management classes allow you to meet others coping with the same struggles and learn tips and techniques for managing your anger.

Therapy , either group or individual, can be a great way to explore the reasons behind your anger and identify triggers. Therapy can also provide a safe place to practice new skills for expressing anger.

If you are abusive towards your spouse or partner, know that you need specialized treatment, not regular anger management classes. Controlling Anger Before it Controls You — Origins of excessive anger, tips on coping, and when to seek more help. American Psychological Association. Psychology Today. When You Love an Angry Person — Tips on fighting fair, ways to approach a loved one, and when to seek more help. Get Your Angries Out. This holiday season alone, millions of people will turn to HelpGuide for free mental health guidance and support.

So many people rely on us in their most difficult moments. Can we rely on you? All gifts made before December 31 will be doubled. Cookie Policy. These tips and techniques can help you get anger under control and express your feelings in healthier ways. Connect with me on LinkedIn.

Your email address will not be published. Feb 21, Have you ever got sooo angry you felt yourself turn into the incredible hulk? I have LOL I used to be a right fire-cracker. Although I had no idea that that was what was happening. From taking deep and voluminous breaths to practicing verbal judo, none of the traditional anger management techniques are going to work unless you let go of irrational beliefs that do nothing but stroke your ego.

Looking back at the responses I received from a recent post about anger being useless, I realize now that I should have used the iceberg illustration, which shows anger as being the tip of the iceberg with more real negative feelings making up for the bulk of the iceberg. So here are three healthier beliefs that can go a long way in helping you better manage your experiences with anger. We are social animals, and being recognized and accepted in our respected communities are important to us.

Another tactic is to take a popular and well liked person and have that person endorse the product. The message is simple, if you are not using this product, you are out of the loop. If you come to believe that you are not entitled to be liked by anyone, you will find yourself gravitating with gratitude and humility towards those you readily recognize, like and respect you.

Sometimes, there will be traffic jams. You also might develop a mantra that you can repeat to drown out the thoughts that fuel your anger. Saying, "I'm OK. Stay calm," or "Not helpful," over and over again can help you minimize or reduce angry thoughts. Ruminating about an upsetting situation fuels angry feelings.

The best way to calm down might be to change the channel in your brain and focus on something else altogether. The best way to mentally shift gears is to distract yourself with an activity. Do something that requires your focus and makes it more challenging for angry or negative thoughts to creep in. Some examples might include deep-cleaning the kitchen, weeding the garden, paying some bills, or playing with the kids.

Then, your body and your brain can calm down. There are many different relaxation exercises you can utilize to reduce anger. The key is to find the one that works best for you. Breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation are two common strategies for reducing tension. The best part is, both exercises can be performed quickly and discreetly.

But with practice, they can become your go-to strategies for anger management. Sometimes it helps to take a moment and think about what emotions might be lurking beneath your anger. Anger often serves as a protective mask to help you avoid feeling more painful emotions, like embarrassment, sadness, and disappointment.

Convincing yourself the other person is bad for criticizing you might make you feel better in the moment because it keeps your embarrassment at bay.

But acknowledging underlying emotions can help you get to the root of the problem. Then, you can decide to take appropriate action. For instance, if someone cancels plans on you and your underlying emotion is disappointment, you could try explaining how the cancellation makes you feel rather than lashing out in anger.

When you're honest about your feelings, you're more likely to resolve the issue. Responding in anger usually doesn't accomplish anything except pushing people away. If you tend to come home from work stressed and take out your anger on your family, or you know that workplace meetings cause you a lot of frustration, create a calm down kit that you can use to relax.

Think about objects that help engage all your senses. When you can look, hear, see, smell, and touch calming things, you can change your emotional state.

So a calm down kit might include scented hand lotion, a picture of a serene landscape, a spiritual passage you can read aloud, and a few pieces of your favorite candy. Include things that you know will help you remain calm.

You also might create a virtual calm down kit that you can take everywhere. These are things that you can call upon when needed and are more portable. For instance, calming music and images, guided meditation , or instructions for breathing exercises could be stored in a special folder on your smartphone.

Some mental health problems can be linked to anger management issues. For example, PTSD has been linked to aggressive outbursts. Depressive disorders also can cause irritability and may make it more difficult to manage anger. It's important to uncover any mental health issues that could hinder your ability to manage anger. Start by talking to your physician about your mood and your behavior. Your doctor may refer you to a mental health professional for further evaluation.

Depending on your goals and treatment needs, therapy may involve individual sessions as well as anger management classes.